By Johnny Coomansingh
My mother did not have the privilege to attend high school nor did she have a smidgen of a chance to study and sit the Senior Cambridge Examinations. In the British education system, she must have reached the level of the sixth standard at primary school. The sixth standard prepared students for the ‘School Leaving Examinations.’ She did not even sit that examination. Nevertheless, it is my opinion that she was a bright student; certainly not by any means, a dunce.
She taught me to read and spell and exhibited flawless handwriting. Her penmanship and spelling were unsurpassed. I admired her hand. From what I saw, her skills in arithmetic were tested over and over again. Knowing that there were hungry mouths to feed, her level of creativity she displayed in the kitchen was unequalled. The tiny sums of money she acquired were effectively manipulated to make two ends meet. Furthermore, my mother used certain statements to convey the direction that her children should take in life. Some listened, while others ignored them. My interpretations of a few of her aphorisms are presented here.
Possibly the most important precept she posed to me was, “Where ignorance is bliss, ‘tis folly to be wise.” In other words, where ‘ignorance’ is ecstatic, wisdom ceases to exist; where ignorance is plentiful, foolishness becomes extant in the environment. Although Thomas Gray, the 18th century poet is responsible for the often-quoted phrase, my mother made full use of it. As a child, I couldn’t understand where she was coming from, but now I know.
I came to realize too that ‘common sense is not that common’ and that some people cannot see further than their noses. How could this be? Some people cannot see, visualize or perceive what is happening right around them because ‘none is so blind as he who will not see.’ The application of cognitive dissonance is applicable here. Many people rise up to become more lazy than when they fell off to sleep the night before. It’s difficult for me to comprehend why so many people do not wake up to even think! The word ‘dotish’ occurs in the Trini dialect; it means stupid. In turn, I coined the statement: ‘Dotishness breeds in stagnant minds.’
One of her sayings “Bamcee does always want latrine seat” brings with it a chuckle. This statement has its weight in gold! The colloquial Trini word ‘bamcee’ refers to the buttocks, but more so the function of that part of the anatomy amplified by the gluteal muscles. This part of the body is designed to assist with the function concerning the expulsion of egesta or faecal matter. The pit latrine is the repository for such matter.
The point must be made clear that there comes a time when the body would be stimulated to dispose of waste and there is always the need for the deposition of that waste in a place that is deemed to be safe and sanitary. Some people living in the Kibera of Nairobi, Kenya, use ‘Flying toilets.’ Flying toilets are plastic bags used to collect human waste in the absence of proper toilets, the result of Kibera’s lack of a sewage system. People in Kibera, a slum on the outskirts of Nairobi, Kenya, defecate in the bags at night, tie them up, and throw them away in ditches or on the roadside. What a life!
The real meaning of the maxim goes far deeper than just what it appears to be. It’s concerned with relationships. You would think that someone is useless until that someone is really needed.
“We horse reach, jackass ah reach,” was extremely valuable counsel that my mother infused in me. She showed me that I must never be too hurry to accomplish anything. Haste makes waste, so take your time; do not be too hurry to get rich. Never covet. She cautioned that the horse might gallop in front, but the donkey which is just a little slower, completes the journey just the same. Even my godmother chimed in with: “Hurry bird doh build good nest.” I laugh when I see some people speeding past me and then they are forced to slow down and then stop at the traffic light. I pull up right next to them and wonder what was the hurry. ‘Hurry’ and ‘Worry’ are shotgun partners in ‘crime’ and they cause much inconvenience and discomfort at times.
I am almost sure that every child in Trinidad and Tobago is familiar with the line: “Fren does carry yuh, buh fren doh bring yuh back.” It’s no surprise that this statement has to do with choice. The colloquial Trini expression ‘fren’ has a semblance of friend but it does not represent ‘friend.’ ‘Frenning,’ is a derivative of fren (a pseudo-friend). Sometimes many men and women, married and unmarried get involved frenning with one another. They go along, as the song says, “stealing love on the side” until they get caught or get hurt.
True friends will not get anyone involved in mischief. True friends will not encourage anyone to break the law. True friends will make sure that you are safe. True friends will not coerce you in doing drugs, selling drugs, carrying around illegal weapons and/or stealing other people’s property. True friends will ensure that you get back home on time and unhurt. Always remember: “All skin teeth is not friend.”
“Wuh eye doh see heart doh hurt,” is kind of synonymous with another Trini statement, ‘Chop in water doh leave no mark.’ In other words, if you don’t see something happening with your own two eyes, why worry about it and be eventually heartbroken? The ‘chop in water’ scenario is sometimes used when some wily men wish to engage women in sexual intercourse. In other words, nobody will know what happened.
In Trinidad, ‘chop in water’ goes hand-in-hand with an activity known as ‘horn.’ Horn explains a high level of infidelity involving both men and women. Horning is not simply flirting but serious intimacy between people who cheat on their spouses and/or significant others. This act of ‘horning’ is all well and ‘good’ when no one sees or finds out that horning is occurring. When it’s discovered, many people feel the hurt and pain…the chop in water then leaves a serious and indelible mark, especially when the woman in question gets pregnant.
As I said before, my mother was an economist. She used to say: “Ah cyar make blood out of stone” but in every way possible, she knew how to stretch a dollar. Her mantra: “Eat little and live long” was a corollary to complement the statement. She taught us to be contented with what we got. Making blood out of stone implied that it was as far as she could have gone. There were limits to her imagination and what she could have provided in her penury. There were many times when ‘dinner’ was late; too late for little me.
I oftentimes fell asleep before the coconut bake was roasted. The piece of hot coconut bake plastered with margarine and sometimes a sliver of New Zealand cheddar cheese served with a cup of cocoa with skimmed milk was shared. Many times the meal was taken way past eight o’clock at night when I was between sleep and wake.
With reference to her child management style she mentioned to my sisters that “No horn eh too heavy fuh cow tuh carry.” In other words, people who seek to bear children must be able to take care of their children, to provide for them and to protect them. It means that bearing children comes with a responsibility to maintain the well-being of your child or children. Depending on someone else to carry your “burdens” must not be the rule of thumb. Nonetheless, there is a tendency for some women, especially young women, to just “palm off’ their children on their grandmothers and continue their journey as nobody’s business. However such women must realize and understand that ‘all cows must carry their own horns.’
“Doh hang yuh hat whey yuh hand cyar reach” is yet another one of her maxims. If you cannot afford something, do not force yourself to get it. Don’t get into debt because your neighbour bought something that you always wanted. Leave the ‘Joneses’ alone. Make do with what you have. She taught me that the Bible promotes contentedness in the sense that “Godliness with contentment is great gain.” Some people even steal and outsmart one another to get to what they perceive to be the ‘top.’ There are people in Trinidad who are labelled as ‘poor great.’ They create an image of success and affluence to fool their peers. They seek the attention and admiration of others with baubles they struggle to possess; hanging their hats where they cannot reach. This situation reminds me of the story that I read in Form III while attending high school.
The story was titled: The Necklace written by Guy de Maupassant, a French writer. In this story, one of the themes is the contradiction between reality and appearance. On the outside, Madame Loisel, a character in the story, is beautiful, but on the inside she is discontented; dissatisfied with her less-than-wealthy lifestyle. Back then, I was about 13 years old but I reasoned that sometimes we seek the ephemeral, and the permanent values we leave behind.
“What yuh could see in the day doh wait till night tuh take candle tuh see” was a line that she constantly used. In almost every sense, my blessed mother counseled her children to be alert and careful about relationships in business and in matters of the heart. With her years of experience, she knew that sometimes the scoundrel is right there before your eyes and you ignore him or her. In business, when you see misnomers and misdirection in broad daylight there is a need to take stock of your position. Do not wait until the midnight hour to make an investigation into miscalculations and misappropriations.
In the case of personal relationships, finding and choosing a significant other or falling in love, it is wise to go into a relationship with eyes wide open, not with ‘eyes wide shut.’ Always remember that if someone does not love you in the morning, they cannot suddenly love you in the evening. An individual must be able to sift away the chaff and save the good grain.
Without any doubt, my mother was a great counselor, an ‘economist’ and an inspirational teacher. Above all, she inspired me with her sayings. Her ‘proverbs’ were etched in my mentality and remained as strong timbers in the building of my personality, my sense of place, and my incomings and outgoings.
